Journey Of Life’s Self Discovery

Recently I have had the opportunity to take a “time-out” so to speak on LIFE  and really self reflect. At a time when I was struggling for job placement, identity process- a scary process of re-evaluation I was experiencing clarity at the same time. I do think God was working in this moment/moments because I had never had these circumstances that I didn’t have a PLAN. See I always secured the plans of my life: where my job was, whom was in my life (family/friends) I never experienced PURE SILENCE with-in myself. For 30 days I got to experience ME, moments in nature that were just the sun shine and wind at my back, no rush of life, no job, no external voices JUST ME!  It was in those moments I wrote and journal-ized all my fears, doubts, wants, needs, dreams, goals, passions, failures AND re-read them all over & over daily.

With in those 30 days I re-iterated to myself that “life is not easy, it will never be” but I can’t continue to feel this sense of entitlement that I am a victim….because I am not. We are victims when we fail to see the lesson in each situation that god is given. He wants us to see what we don’t see in ourselves and sometimes ITS GOING TO HURT BEYOND MEASURE.  We need to acknowledge life’s greatness’ in the “real” circumstances given. Find the joy in every moment, see we measure life by our happiness, definition of happiness is “a pleasurable or satisfying experience” which depends on the outcomes. But JOY is a constant feeding in doing what we are fashioned to do regardless of the outcome. Being thankful for everything, everyone, telling them, being grateful for the simple things….the air we breathe, the relationships we have, being ALIVE. How many of you appreciate the joy in all you have been given?

As I stated 30 days of self reflection and note taking I re-read my goals and what was the definition of success for myself? I was driven by society, family members & friends definition of what was “SUCCESS” was but it was not my own! When I had a conversation with my sister after this she said to me “I want you to be RICH & have all this money so you never struggle again”. For the first time I got to tell her I didn’t want money I just wanted to be happy. That was my moment I knew God was changing me, for so long I was running with the crowd my success’ had been the same for years, good job, have money, have MORE STUFF. But now I just want to be happy content with all I have and all that god will provide. I learned not to chose anything that will jeopardize my soul anymore and in order to maintain my true success’ I must NOT SPEND TIME WITH ANYTHING that antagonizes my TRUE CHARACTER. Ask yourself who is on this hill your climbing do they want you to reach the top with your potential or theirs? What is on your success list and do you measure it out with a check and balance system? See I can look back at my life and it was the job I wanted I worked hard for or the fitness element I strived to be great at but other elements such as my family and my relationship were failing. I didn’t realize the system of success always needed to be visited for re-evaluation over and over again. Unfortunately now I know the WORK that needs to be present in all areas of my life for the true success’ to prevail.

In reviewing the checks and balances I realized that some of my decisions made left a trail…….CRUMBS! What does that mean? Some of the choices I made left me to look over my shoulder, creating stress for my tomorrow.  I was making my own life harder by my decisions, so I made vow to myself, VOLUNTEER OBLIGATIONS to make decisions that I know could never come back to my psyche & say “what did you do”?  Life is a verb we try to do our best but we don’t always DO our best.  Architecture can also be used as a verb and since we are the architect of our own destiny/life we need to look at the foundations we are building upon. Our habits, routines, relationships feed our lives, our joy, our happiness what are you allowing to be apart of you? I vowed to chose to be around people who make me walk on my tippy toes, they make me want to do better because of who they are. Let others you surround yourself with feed your soul, not leave it in questionable despair.

Live with out a ROOF on your story, see god never gives us boundaries on what we can do….WE DO! We set these limits and when there are moments of unexplained glory or joy we think we don’t deserve them. I’ve been there many times….think about that for a moment, why don’t you deserve them? If we live everyday with the constant joy of each moment then we should not ever have a moment that is TOO BIG FOR US. We do our best when we think beyond measure of our expectations. If you move forward in the constant joy of this immortal journey we will have the pleasure of others reaping the benefits of the path you are creating. See constantly being the underdog is not so bad I have witnessed, others see your stride, your joys, trials &  your reactions to it all. If you are always reaching to continually provide for yourself someone is always watching, its in those moments you have no idea the impact you are having on others without even trying. THAT MY FRIENDS IS AMAZING!!!!

This is hard for me and I struggle but we must learn TO TURN THE PAGE! We all get in the funks on this merry go round of life but we need to own those moments. COME TO TRUTH with those moments, let go. See “guilt and regret” often kills a man before his time, you are the author live and learn from it.

The BIGGEST lesson that I learned is that you need to check out sometimes and check back into your self. I hear it all the time from family/friends I don’t have time for that. So you don’t have time for YOURSELF, but you can go watch that TV show that brings no impact or value in the growth or development of yourself. Its not spending 30 days it might be taking a walk, taking a bath with NO ONE AROUND, going for a drive……one moment of self reflection to re-group your foundation is necessary. Take time to revisit what success’ you want because they are always changing. What I wanted a year ago is different from what I see today? You are important…..MAKE YOURSELF IMPORTANT!

Trust the journey god put you on…..BUT REMEMBER TO LIVE IT!!!!

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At 42 years old I'm finally learning the purpose of life. Life changed for me this year in ways I could never have imagined, at my darkest days God showed me the light and brought me back to life. Sometimes you must lose it all in order to start again and this time with meaning. Being greatful for the blessings you have and for the blessing you can bestow on others. Realizing what is truly important in life is the impact you bring on others. I had always wanted to use my personal training to give women back power, power that I felt the first time I fell after a bad break up. I used training to rebuild myself but as explained in My Story is was never a complete rebuild. This year being ripped to my core I was able to rebuild myself not in the physical sense this time but the mental, emotional and spiritual foundations. See being fit is about completion of mind, body & spirit. I want to be able to help women see their true potential in life and each other.

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