Month: March 2018

It’s Never Too Late To Start Again…..

In my line of work  as a personal trainer, I get to work with some amazing women and as you can imagine topics of life always arise. Yesterday a client I have had the glory to have worked with years ago, came back to train with me. A client who has carried many crosses, some heavy that by the grace of god is still alive today. Since she came back weeks ago I can see in her eyes a struggle for life, a soul reaching for happiness. She has conquered her epilepsy, gained her independence in doing so and has perfected the physical part of training. I opened the door of conversation, knowing I needed to struck a cord for she is in emotional and mental danger. I asked her what was going on I could see the struggle in her tired eyes and the impact it was having on her physical well being. She says to me, “I went to school for teaching it was always my passion but it has changed.  I don’t feel connected to this dream anymore,  it doesn’t make me happy. I am stressed out 99.9% of the time, I can’t sleep and have just found out I have ulcers which is why I haven’t been able to hold food down. I feel stuck! I don’t have money to go back to school better yet I have no idea what I even want to do to make me happy anymore”

I sat for a moment looking in her and saw myself 2 years ago! Miserable in the moments of life and although there were many blessings I couldn’t see them for the one or two things that I wasn’t happy about consumed my whole outlook on life. Was this part of God’s preparation for me? All I know if speaking from experience I told her to take some time for her, get away. Find a place where it is just you and you alone, no cell phones, no social media and reflect. I began to tell her that you are never too old to start again and find a new dream in fact, maybe teaching was what you were suppose to do at that time in your life, growing up changes things. I feel like our society sometimes puts pressures on people that if you leave the occupation you went to school for you failed. NO! It means your life has different expectations and levels of growth. I told her just that, but I also told her to find a different outlook besides for just the gym. As you all know my life was consumed by the gym for 19 years and although its great physically, your mental, emotional & spiritual growth becomes paralyzed to almost non-existent. Meditate I told her, yoga, weekend get away, but spend some alone time with you. Get to know you again, learn to be happy with you and your within, answers will come, I promise! I know many of you see it, we get so caught up in our relationships, careers, families that we lose ourselves! And in doing so become miserable and don’t realize it until we are drowning. Take a good step back and ask yourself are you happy? We all have areas to work on and always will but if you are not happy with yourself, how can you ever make anyone else happy?  Lastly, look at those around you and see if they are struggling, ask the questions, are you ok? Maybe your life’s journey and experiences is what they need to hear to know they are not alone & there is always hope. Stay connected, speak and watch the growth happen.

God Bless!!!

A Year To Remember……

Today marks a year of when my life began to change, when the light began to shine. This time last year I was celebrating my 39th birthday with a heavy heart, in a real dark hole of existence and couldn’t envision there was a way out. By a “friends” (I say it that way because that is BF who was never around and the one who just went to my exes wedding) suggestion I went to seek council with her psychologist. I remember sitting in her office telling her everything and her picking apart my life (as they do) and summed up I was in severe depression and she wanted to put me on meds. I knew I was depressed, the love of my life left me, I was left to take care of a 3 bedroom 2 story house and all its financial responsibilities. I was losing weight at a rapid pace, sleep was non-existant and hopelessness engulfed every ounce of my being. It was the weekend of my birthday I dropped to my knees in tears crying in pain and looking for my next answer. It was at that moment that I could hear my mother say go back to your faith.  A faith I didn’t have since she died I hadn’t had a moment with god since I told him to (pardon my french) “fuck off” when he called her home. I figured I had nothing to lose and went to church that Sunday and cried the whole time. As the weeks went by not that the pain just went away but with I was starting to see life in a different manor. Church from the songs sung to the people who like me had a story to tell, they too if not at that moment like myself were being saved by Jesus. My heart started to sing again and I started to see my life with purpose, for the first time I knew I was created to do something, as we all are. The clarity of departure in letting go of the “dead weight” in my life was coming to the surface. I had always thought I needed these people just to say I had people, now I knew I didn’t anyone I needed myself and god to move forward in this new life. I didn’t need the group, I just needed the select few who believed in me, my dreams and who were gonna be there when I fell. I was proud to get baptized in my faith in August of last year (I was baptized as a baby but this time it was my choice), a ritual that let me let go of all my sins and if anyone of you have been thru this you know that coming out of that water the weight on your shoulders was lifted.  Moving forward choices were going to be different, people in my life were going to be different and the purpose of my gift will be lived out.  I was finding strength and security in places I never had before. I had always thought I needed someone to be with me to try life’s experiences and for the first time packed up my life and moved to Texas all by myself. This decision was not only to start a new life in a warmer climate, I wanted to launch “Faith and Fit” in the churches, I wanted to see what the world can offer me but also with the hope that Michael may see how serious I was about my love for him. I learned so much about myself on this life adventure, here goes, God will put you places so you can rebuild, places you will never think. I had moments of total clarity in Texas just me, the sunshine and lots of self reflection. God doesn’t answer all your prayers and as my friend continues to tell me always, “he has something better in store”. Michael wouldn’t even acknowledge me when I was there, all the love I had for him and faithfulness to move to Texas meant nothing. I had to regroup again. One thing I did get to realize is that sometimes our dream we set for ourselves is so small compared to what GOD has in store for you. When I met with the church to try to launch my Faith and Fit program I was told that I needed more bible study before I can speak to people. I left there that day determined to make this program work. You know the saying that god will put people in your life for a rhythm or reason well I sure did learn this to be true. At the job I had in Texas I was telling this girl about my vision, my dream and she said to me “Why don’t you have a blog?” I had no  idea what a blog was, how to start etc, so I did my research and my Faith and Fit blog was born. See my vision was to speak to a crowd at church, god wanted me to speak to thousands of people, my blog is seen across the United States and I am able to open up the lines of communication and experience, bringing people together under our god. Such a blessing!!! Unfortunately my time in Texas was cut short and I was called to come home to Illinois again but this time WITH SO MUCH MORE APPRECIATION for everything. From my family, the cold weather the busyness of life & finding the joy in every moment.  So today I turn 40 I still feel like I’m 25 but I can finally say I am happy with the journey that brought me into this new decade. I’m gonna rock it and praise god every step for it is because of his calling that I am who I am today.

Grasp Life…Everything Is Temporary

Last week I lost one of the most powerful influences I have had the pleasure to have in my life. After 9 years of battling cancer god called him home at the young age of 52. Of course I was crushed, still am and a part of me will always be broken but it was a reminder from god, time is short. We live our life every day with the notion that our family, friends & co-workers that we spend time with will be there the next day.  We take for granted the conversations, laughs, hugs we have with each person that is in our life when in a brief gust of wind it can be taken away.  Between this recent event and the event in Florida’s school shooting  it should be an eye opener to us all that our loved loves can be taken away in an instant. I try to focus everyday to be kind to those who I come in contact with for I might be that one kind compliment or hug they might receive to have impact on them. Mitch Albom’s book “The Five People You Meet In Heaven” opens you up to the notion that every person you come in contact with is there for purpose, rather for you to impact them or for them to impact you. And if you think about that for a minute and some of the people you have currently in your life  or  those you met randomly they impacted you someway. As our world seems to be falling apart with evil lets remember our purpose and what God’s perspective he has in store for us. Let’s embrace everything we see, touch, feel, hear….everything is temporary & one day it will all go away. People and circumstances will all change & we will be living another life so embrace each second, minute, hour spent in your life NOW. Not what is in store for the future because nothing is promised or certain. Let’s take the NOW moments and make them EXTRA ORDINARY moments. Most important tell those who are in your life everyday what they mean to you so you in the case of the “unknown” you know they knew what they meant to you.  I can say that with my mentor Brian I had the pleasure to tell him as much as I could how important he was to me, but his loss was another reminder from God to me that I must never forget EVER to communicate my love to others. And to never take for granted TIME here in earth, it is short, let your legacy be GOD’S PERSPECTIVE!