When Your Heart Fools You

 

In my new journey forward as I told you in my last writing I want to shed some “Old Leather ” as Lady Gaga references in her song “Million Reasons”. I had to come to the reality that if I tell this man who has not only been one of my best friends but my lover that I could not continue to just be the friend with benefits any more  he might leave forever. Even before Michael left he was there for me, a co-worker at first which molded into a friendship which turned into more.  We spent every other weekend together, talking, laughing and what I felt was something amazing. I had never experienced passion like I had with him, was my heart making more than what it was? I saw him everyday and paid attention to everything about him but when it came to me and what was important, my blog for instance he never showed his interest. I could tell you how many smiles he has, when he’s stressed and when hes sad, BUT he couldn’t see ME. After awhile especially these past weeks when I reached out in distress he would respond at convenience or not at all. On Tuesday I told him I couldn’t do it anymore I fell in love with him and what I thought was something. After I hit send (yes I sent it in text) I was hoping for something a response, but I didn’t get a thing. The next day my final day to see him on the job and he didn’t look at me and never said good bye as I walked out of those doors for the last time. I worked at the gym for the last time Wednesday night as well, in between clients constantly checking my phone hoping for a response, but I got nothing. The next morning I reached out and he said that if I feel I missed out on opportunities to go find them. I poured out my heart in hopes if there was something in his heart he would say it to me , stop me from leaving! Days have gone by & I haven’t heard a thing. I know for myself I had to do something I couldn’t just be that “girl” all the time and because I fell in love with him I was not able to give others chances with me. With these new beginnings ahead of me I needed to see where I stood and I guess now I know. I cry alot and ask God to give me the strength to get thru this for his gave me the courage to stand for myself. Time heals all wounds and if its meant to be it will be.

Psalm 34:18 ‘The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit’

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ptrainer00

At 42 years old I'm finally learning the purpose of life. Life changed for me this year in ways I could never have imagined, at my darkest days God showed me the light and brought me back to life. Sometimes you must lose it all in order to start again and this time with meaning. Being greatful for the blessings you have and for the blessing you can bestow on others. Realizing what is truly important in life is the impact you bring on others. I had always wanted to use my personal training to give women back power, power that I felt the first time I fell after a bad break up. I used training to rebuild myself but as explained in My Story is was never a complete rebuild. This year being ripped to my core I was able to rebuild myself not in the physical sense this time but the mental, emotional and spiritual foundations. See being fit is about completion of mind, body & spirit. I want to be able to help women see their true potential in life and each other.

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